


Diary

by will_you_heed_the_masters_call



Category: Led Zeppelin
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:36:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23597710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/will_you_heed_the_masters_call/pseuds/will_you_heed_the_masters_call
Summary: Jimmy finds Robert's diary
Relationships: Jimmy Page/Robert Plant
Comments: 24
Kudos: 30





	1. The coldness of my winter

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to @ledbythreads for encouraging me to write <3  
> I think I'll do more, depending on your reaction :)  
> Also this is my first time doing something like this so don't be too harsh on me :)  
> I'll be glad to hear any suggestions and critics and please PLEASE correct any grammar/spelling/tenses mistakes that you find, I'm not native English speaker so probably there are many of them :)  
> Thank you everyone and enjoy :)

-Hey Jimmeh, wanna grab a beer or something?- he called with wide smile on sweaty shiny face as he walked past five or six girls that were waiting to fall under his feet. Not paying atention to them, swaying his hips he continued his way to backstage.  
-Shut it!- Jimmy cut him, his green eyes shining dangerously through clouds of smoke.  
Robert looks at him confused and continues to the bar. Suddenly he feels firm grip around his wrist and long sharp nails digging in his skin in the brake of his bracelet.  
-Jimm..wha..what are you..ouch-doing- He stuttered as he tripped over his own feet, trying to remain in standing position.  
-I told you to shut it, didn’t I?- Jimmy hissed, pulling Robert through empty halls that were leading to their dressing rooms. -I need to talk to you. Right fucking NOW. He sounded furious, as he’s going to jump out his own skin. Robert didn’t understand what was going on, he was absolutely clueless so he just followed Jimmy to where he was pulling him, not being able to tear his hand from Jimmy’s now painful grip.  
-Jimmy what’s goin’ on? - He tried to sound as calm as possible, although his inner voice was yelling at him //STOP. STOP NOW. HERE. STOP. GO BACK. RUN.//  
When they reached the door of Jimmy’s dressing room, he opened the door and threw blonde inside pushing him on the tiny sofa, entered the room, then turned around and awkwardly slowly closed the door. He wearily leans himself against the doorframe, his back to the center of the room, both hands on the wall and stays like that for few seconds like he was trying to find appropriate words. Instead of saying anything, he drags his slender, sweat-soaked trembeling body to the little locker and pulls a bottle of Jack out of it. Robert’s eyes followed his every action - his muscles moving under unbuttoned jacket, strands of black hair dripping with sweat over his skinny shoulders. He didn’t dare to move any other par of his body, let alone eyes. Jimmy takes a long swig and lets bitter taste of liquor burn his throat. He closes his eyes, swinging his head backwards, letting his hair fall from his shoulders on his back. After few moments he opens his eyes and looks at Robert. He couldn’t read the expression on Jimmy’s face. His lips were slightly parted, his green eyes were piercing his soul. He couldn’t understand what was going on so he just sat there.  
-Uhm,..are..are you gonna tell me wha..-before he could finish a sentence Jimmy reached to his guitar case and pulled a little notebook out of it, bringing it up in the air between them.  
-What is this?  
Robert’s eyes widened in disbelief, his breathing stopped and he felt his stomach ache and flip and his intestines drop to the floor. Like Planet stopped spinning in that very moment. He felt like he’s gonna pass out. //This is the end. This is the fucking end of me. Fuck. Fuck. FUck. I’m fucked. Where did he find that? Where did I put it last night? What was I thinking GOD DAMN IT// His palms were sweating, his eyes almost filled with tears (somehow he managed to hold them back)  
He couldn’t part his eyes from that thing that Jimmy was holding, lips forming a small ‘’o’’ as he tried to say something but nothing left his mouth.  
Jimmy’s face softened a little as he saw the amount of fear that his question brought in Robert’s eyes. Still, he tried to hold his composure with very serious and determined expression on his face.  
-Talk to me Robert, answer me - he continued firmly  
He couldn’t. His heart was about to jump out of his ribcage. //He’s just a person, he shouldn’t make me so nervous// he tried to calm down. He took a deep breath, hoping it’ll help words to come out of him. //I was the talkative one, right? What happened now? SHit. He isn’t a just a person.// To be exact, to him he never even was _a person_.  
-Wh..when we first met, you were nothing more than another face, b..but now..-he lowers his head and shakes his golden locks so they can cover his blushed face.  
-What now? - Jimmy asked, his knees were feeling weak as he was trying to hold his posture, trying to remain in control of the situation, not letting Robert see what this little thing did to him. He must never know. Never.  
-I..I’m..I’m sorry -blonde whispered and stormed out of the room.  
There was no time to try or do anything or to discuss about what that situation brought up as they got yelled at to hurry up to get to the car that was going to take them to the hotel they were staying that night. Soon after that cursed conversation ended, they found themselves sitting in a car next to each other, in complete silence. Jimmy felt Robert’s body radiating warmth with sweet smell of his sweat that was trailing down his chest over his belly bottom down to his pants. He inhaled the air and felt scent of Robert’s hair entering his nostrils, he tried to remember that scent and get it engraved in his memory forever. //He is glowing. He is fucking glowing, even if it’s dark. I can’t believe it. This perfection, sitting next to me, touching me with his thigh, sharing the same air..// one thought, trying not to look at blonde who was gazing through the window. He smiles to himself, turning his head from floor - where he was previously staring - to the window so the other couldn’t see his face, slightly blushed from fire that was burning inside. As he realized that that smile was still lingering on his lips he cursed under breath. //No. This is not happening. Robert must never find out. NEVER//  
They finally arrived to the hotel and after a while all of them found themselves in their rooms. Soon Bonzo and Jonesy were deep asleep, Bonzo from the enormous amount of beer and poor Jonesy from constant dragging around yelling at roadies to be careful with his grand piano.  
Jimmy was sitting on the his bed after the cold, much needed wanna-be-sobering shower, cold water dripping on his thighs, his head lowered, his dark green, now almost black eyes going over nervously written words in notebook.

_~You are the lost child of this world. You are the monstruous try of an angel. Exorcism in a tiny bottle. You’re a mascot that crossed millions of streets, run over respect. You were bastardly feeding your ego, and even then you were making mistakes with style. You have flaws that are not usual. You have not hurted me in usual ways. You weren’t arguing like any other.~_

He felt stung through his heart and he frowned. //I need something. Something..ahhh..// he sighed and reached for the bottle. That always helped, whenever he wanted to kill something inside.  
He flipped trough pages. By the time he brought his discovery up to Robert, he was just read a couple of words from the first page

_~..I felt the coldness of my winter_   
_I never thought it would ever go_   
_I cursed the gloom that sat upon us_   
_But I know that i love you so..~_

and he immediately knew. He knew that he discovered Robert’s deepest, most painful feelings and things he didn’t want anybody to find out. Except maybe him? Could it be possible that Robert forgot his diary on purpose? //No, that’s impossible. He’s always been so careful about his privacy..Should I..No, this is not right, no..// he thought. As he got up to leave notebook on the shelf, a small torn, swollen piece of paper fell on the ground. He picked it up and  
//Shit..is this..no..// He spotted a few smeared letters under small round spots. //It can’t be..how..how is this possible? His eyes are always so happy..//

_~Every day it’s becoming worse, my hands are shaking more with every morning where I --ve to pretend that that is just another usual day. Ev--y morning my voice is fading. I lost too much self trying to become that one you swore you saw in me that night, 1968 in that fuc--ng club. I lost too much self to know for an-thing anym--e. Every night is endig the same way. I fall asleep choking in tears and wake up with smile and even bigger scars on my heart. Maybe one of my mornings won’t be with my eyes open, but I’m at the same place I was 5 years ago. I’m at your feet, I’m at your mercy,now havin- everything..actually having nothing..person I love the most is not mine._   
_Stupid dreams. Stupid hopes. Some things are bet--r left unsaid.~_

Because of smeared ink and hurry in which obviously this was written, he realized that this was the reason Robert didn’t left his room last night after the show.  
One more swig. Than another. Than three more. He rised his hand to remove one of the wet locks glued to his face. Then he felt. He felt warm salty water on his fingers. He was crying. He, the great Jimmy Page, the mighty guitar god, the seducer of innocent birds, was crying. He raised his hand toward the room light and his eyes followed one single crystal clear tear rolling down his middle finger.


	2. It only goes to show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is :)  
> I hope it will fulfill your expectations  
> And again, I'm always open for any suggestions that comes to your mind :)  
> Enjoy!

//Oh my God, he.. _he does love me..._ What have I done..I...I have to tell him. He must know. He has to know. I can’t stand hurting him like this anymore..all I ever wanted was to protect him..from everything, from everyone...from _me._.all I ever did was love him. Love him more than anyone. But I had to hide it, fuck I had to, how he could ever believe me..but now I see he hid it too, it is too dangerous. To feel this way is something so painful and unreal. It’s not something that belongs in this mortal world.//

On the other side of the wall Robert was in his room, drinking everything that came to his hand, he almost emptied mini bar in the corner of the room. He was desperate. He didn’t know how to handle everything that was happening in his head right now. He needed his diary back. He wanted to destroy it. He wanted to forget everything, he wanted to pretend like those fucking words never even existed, like he never wrote them down. He wanted to erase his feelings. But he couldn’t.

//Unreal. Impossible. I live for him. I’d die for him. Angel. Darkness. Mine. Never mine. Always mine. Only one. Oh Jimmy what have you done to me? My love, my muse, my inspiration...what have you done? Why couldn’t you just it leave it be?//

One tiny diamond rolled down his cheek. He stood up barely able to keep his balance and headed towards doors. He walked out of his room, turned right and found himself in front of Jimmy’s door. Inhale, exhale..inhale, exhale..cold air tore his throat

/knock knock/

Nothing.

Robert paused, doubting if this was good decision, almost turning around and running back to his room

//STAY//

Something told him

//Don’t you fucking move. Stay. You will die or you will live.//

He stood still and waited. A whole eternity passed when he heard light steps approaching from the other side of the door. He froze in place. He watched the doorknob slowly turning and door opening. He managed to move his legs and enter the room not daring to turn and look around, he just walked in straight forward and closed his eyes.

-Didn’t expect you’ll come to me... - Jimmy closed the door

// _surely I hoped._.//

-Are..are you okay? You’re drunk as fuck, oh Robert...Come, sit here mate - he led him to his bed.

-Jim, can you..can you just give me that damn thing and I’m leaving?

Jimmy nodded at place where he was previously sitting, he left it over there.  
Robert reached for notebook but Jimmy stopped him, gently placing his hand over Robert’s and sitting next to him.

-Rob..Robert...wait..

That light touch burned him, sensation gone up to his arm, to his shoulder, his neck to his chest. His breath shallowed. He didn’t move, he let Jimmy’s hand rest on his own. His eyes were locked on that place where their hands were laying on on bed, Jimmy’s on his own.

-Look at me Robert - Jimmy’s other hand traveled to Robert’s cheek and caressed soft skin, his thumb going over those beautiful dimple near Robert’s lips.

//James, tell him. Tell him you love him. Tell him everything. Tell him how he makes you feel. Tell him what his voice does to you. Tell him what his body does to you. Tell him how beautiful his eyes are, how you get lost every time he looks at you with that almost invisible smile that you catch every time. _I can’t look at you on the stage._ Tell him. _You are mine, baby._ Tell him. If it scares you it might be good thing to try. NOW JAMES. This is the moment.//

Robert looks at him.

His ocean-storm-deep blue eyes lost in Jimmy’s blurred greens.

-Robert, I...

-Jimmy, don’t.. -he turns his face away cutting Jimmy’s words

-I’m..I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have taken your diary night before -

-But you _did_ , _James._ Now give it back. -he tried to sound angry and hurt

..please - but his voice cracked

-Robert, before you go, you...you need to know something..There are..uhmm..some unsaid things on the tip of my tongue.. I...I feel like I have a lot of important things to tell you, but I....I...I just didn’t know what they were until now..-

Robert stared at him. Like Jimmy was talking some language he didn’t hear before, he didn’t understand what this was all about. Unsaid things? Jimmy was always straight forward when he wanted or didn’t want something. What is happening?

-Jim, why are you acting so weird? What are you saying?

Jimmy sighed and turned away from Robert. They sat in silence for a few seconds when Jimmy gathered all the courage that he could find in himself and spoke.

-I..I find pieces of you in every song i play..In every melody I interweave parts where I can only hear your voice with no other noise..I shamelessly provoke you on stage, and you answer me and..and it feels so good like I’m..like you make love to me and I...I can’t help but think about you all the time..I can’t look at you on stage, I can’t stand you giving yourself to other people just like that, Robert..

.. _I love you..-_ he breathed almost inaudibly

Nothing in the world could possibly prepare Robert for this. This was something that didn’t happen even in his wildest dreams. He turned his face to Jimmy only to find long black waves covering his pale face. He could see his beautiful rosy lips through several strands of hair falling across his cheek.

-You..you..wh..what..?

-I love you, Robert..- he repeated in small voice -You have to know that someone like me only knows how to hide from others, and to act like nothing affects me. But you.. _you.._ I can’t hide from you anymore, especially now when I know..when I know that you feel the same. - he tried to smile

-Wh..you..I can’t..I don’t..fuck Pagey...don’t lie to me! Like it isn’t enough for me to suffer in silence, you are lying to me now, thinking that will make me feel better huh? You think that fake hope you’re trying to give me is gonna help? Do you know how it feels? Do you know how painful it is? To pretend that everything is okay, everything is good?- Robert was furious. He felt tears again flowing down his cheeks

-I’m not lying to you Robert...

-I DON’T TRUST YOU! How can you act like I’m nothing to you, and than you say something like this? Do you have a slight idea how I’ve been feeling? When you pick up some bird and vanish, where do you think I go? I don’t..I don’t have strength to carry that weight of you being with other people! -words flowed out of his mouth and he didn’t know how to stop

Jimmy felt physical pain going trough his body. He felt weak, he felt exposed, he felt guilty.

-I know you don’t..you have every reason in this world not to trust me..I know how I’ve been treating you..but I just..I just tried to keep you safe from myself, I tried to push you away because I don’t know if I’m...if I’m capable of loving you..when I found that - he glanced at the diary - in your room..Those things you wrote..they sliced trough my heart, they wrapped around my mind like barbed wire, they made my feelings bloom and my head spin..He does love me, I thought..I kept repeating that in my head as some kind of mantra, as I was trying to make sure that my eyes didn’t lie to me..Until that moment I could...I could only hope, but I could never ever tell you how I felt..all the time..

He looked like all sadness in the world was collected in his soul and he was choking and struggling to get his breathing to normal again

//Oh. My. God. Fuck. What? What? WHAT? Is this real? Am I dreaming? Was that too much alcohol?//

Robert’s thoughts were destroying him. He tried not to think, just to feel, but a silence was a killer too. He swallowed audibly. He calmed down a bit, still not being able to wrap his mind around what was happening.

-So..it is..true..? He asked carefully

-Here, if you don’t believe my words, you may believe my heart.

He took Robert’s hand from the bed and turned around so their faces were just a breath away, than brought it close to his own chest. He could feel warmth of his palm close to his skin. He hesitated for a bit, than inhaled deeply and hold his breath, closed eyes and put Robert’s hand where his heart was.


	3. That's the way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while :D  
> Here is the Chapter3 yay

He felt like Robert's hand was slowly sinking through thin skin, like he's taking his heart on his warm palm. He exhaled and let Robert feel his incoherent heartbeats

-It just hurts. A lot. You make me vulnerable. I cannot defend myself against you and that scares me more than anything else - he looked his singer straight in the eyes. His eyes burned Robert, and he knew that he has him. That he had him. Always. 

// _What a fool I was..What was I afraid of? Catching feelings for him, like it is possible not to?//_

Robert moved his hand from Jimmy's chest and his feather-like trembling touches caressed Jimmy's skin up to his neck, like hes afraid of his own actions, his eyes never leaving Jimmy's. Jimmy shivered. Robert let his palm rest on Jimmy's warm cheek, his thumb moving slowly on pale skin. They could feel each other's breath on their faces.

-Jimmy..I'm yours...I'm all yours, since the first time I laid my eyes on you..Look at me, I've fallen like a fool for you - Robert whispered. Jimmy never heard Robert talk so soft, so tender.

Jimmy melted from Robert's honey-dripping words, but he managed to catch a strange sparkle in those blue eyes that told him that what Robert was talking was absolute truth. Robert belonged to him. With all his mind, his soul and body. He wanted him. He _needed_ him.

And he needed Robert, needed him so badly. Jimmy bit his lower lip and lowered his gaze to Roberts lips, and back to his eyes. Tension of eternal longing between them grew bigger with every heartbeat.

-Robert?

-Mmmh?

-Tell me.

-I want to feel your lips so bad, I want to taste you.. _please_

_That_ word. That tiny word. Jimmy felt warmth growig between his legs. He touched Roberts lips with his fingers

-Come closer - he breathed

Robert hesitated and moved just a tiniest bit

-Closer, I said - Jimmy took his chin between his fingers and pulled Robert close to his own face. Robert obeyed and his lips parted a little from the pressure that Jimmy's firm grip caused. He completely surrendered to Jimmy's touch and let him command him. With other hand Jimmy tucked a few blond strands from Robert's face behind his ear, tilted his head and gently pressed his lips on Roberts.

Roberts mouth tasted like forbidden fruit. Jimmy dreamed about those sweet sensations, he longed to know how the other feels, he yearned for too long. Every breath exchanged between them tasted limitless.

‘Yes’ was the only answer Roberts flesh could utter.

Their eyes were closed as they let their inner fires collide

-Come here, baby. - Jimmy pulled him up on bed. He pushed Robert on his back, laid beside him and propped on the elbow.

-You can have everything you want, d'you know that? It was such an easy game for you to enchant me..

// _You're su_ _nshine_ _._ _You are mine. And I will give you world_ //

Jimmy smirked on thought that flew across his mind - seeing Robert completely naked, his golden hair spread over the pillow like rays of sun, his statuesque body uncovered only for him, only with his silk scarf around his neck. Jimmy's head spinned. Love, want and need were devouring him. He lifted his arm and touched glowing skin that was showing under Robert's open blouse.

_//_ _So soft. So delicate. He is burning_ _. Heavens.//_

Robert's muscles tensed and he closed his eyes, letting Jimmy know that he is in control and he would obey his every commandment, but felt some kind of insecurity and contained desire in Jimmy's touches, he felt that he is not letting himself go. 

But it wasn't about letting it go. It was about letting it in. Its about letting it deep. Its about letting it through. Its about being true about your feelings. Its about giving them attention they deserve. And it may take a moment, or it may take years. The trick was not to shame his needs to hold on to whats yet to be resolved.

-Jimmy...stop...torturing me.. _please_.. He silently whimpered, giving Jimmy a tacit permission to do whatever he wanted, that he wanted him to do all the things.

Again _that_ word. Jimmy smiled and shook his head

_//_ _Sweetheart, how would I love to feel you. How would you squirm beneath me. How would you clench your hands on bed sheets darling, how would you cry my name...my pretty boy..I love you so much.._ _//_ he was so overwhelmed with lovebut he decided to try to keep higher ground.

-Ask me, baby. Tell me what you want and you can have everything.

He leaned in and pressed tiny warm kisses all over Roberts face. He flicked his tongue over Roberts lips and placed the sweetest and most wanting kiss on them. His fingers gently dancing over Roberts chest to his chin, causing a strokes of electricity flow under Robert skin.

-Open - he commanded in soft voice, whispering in Roberts ear. Inhaling sweet scent of fear and burning desire from his neck, he briefed his lips over Roberts earlobe and kissed a spot behind his ear.

_//I belong to you. You belong to me. All of this. It's mine. Nobody will ever see this. No one will be mine as you are. I'll belong to no one like I belong to you. You will possess no one like you possess me.//_ Robert prayed behind closed eyes. His breath stopped as Jimmy's two fingers slid inside his mouth.

\- Is this what you want love? - fingers going in and out with just a bit of pressure on Roberts tongue. He put one leg over Roberts thigh, moved it up to his groin and started rubbing his cock, slowly up...and down..Roberts body tensed in the calm as he awaited the storm that may not come.

Jimmy stopped and listened closely. Roberts body would tell him everything he needed to know, not a single word had to be spoken. As tempted as he was..he didn't reach the obvious in the man. He took his time and enjoyed the tactile route in getting there. He touched his face with love and tenderness, kissed and nuzzled his neck. He let his other hand play Roberts body, as he would do on stage. He read his body as it was braille. He pulled his fingers out from Roberts mouth and let them draw a wet trail back down his body. He kissed and touched his way along, he trailed gentle bites licks and kisses down his chest. He slid his palm down against Roberts belly, marveling at the way his hips narrowed from his shoulders, then traced the fingernails lightly along his thighs.

Sharp hiss came from Roberts mouth and his head fell back on the bed

_//FuckfuckJImmypageyjimmywhatareyoudoing//_

Jimmy slid his legs open slowly as he leaned to kiss his mouth again. He let his hands gently massage Roberts inner thighs. Roberts body twitched in anticipation. His erection was already painful, but Jimmy seemed not to care, he took his time. Jimmy was so close...but no, not just yet. He stopped and looked into Roberts eyes. They were speaking one million words without uttering one. He knew what he wanted..he knew what he desired..he indulged him with his passion.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo...thank you for everyone who read this please comment and i really hope you liked it :)


End file.
